I have no idea how to start this post. I said my final see you later in my arms to Mr Aj aka Angelous Sunday 10th February.
I’d like to say he went peacefully in my arms, but I think he had a seizure. A little over 3 weeks ago his behaviour changed. I don’t know if it was a seizure or age related. He started not being able to see properly, then he started walked around with his head so low he couldn’t see in front of him. He wouldn’t rest from the Thursday before he went. The only time he did was in my arms. Something he’s never done. He was always a put me down cat, I’ll snuggle up next to you but not on you cat. He kept getting himself stuck in places, wedged between doors and the wall. He used to get up for the litter box but not find it. I contacted the vet on the Saturday who recommended upping his steroid dose to see if that would reduce swelling pressure of perhaps a brain tumour. However come Sunday morning it was too late. We’d spent most of Saturday night snuggled in bed getting up for him to pee. I’m forever thankfully we spent that night together. Last week I kept thinking I should have taken him the vet on the Saturday. I was in denial thinking Monday morning we’d go the vet and it’d be all okay, even though I knew it wasn’t. If I had, I wouldn’t have had that snuggle time together. I think after sunrise after one pee accident in bed, cleaning his legs and bum for the umpteenth time I went back to sleep to see him walk towards me. I’d switched sides of the bed and despite not bing able to see where he as going he knew where I was. I took him in my arms. I’m not sure if he had a seizure, his legs were sliding on the floor but it was different to his previous seizures. He wouldn’t let me dry his legs properly so I don’t know. I don’t know if it was 10 minutes or an hour later I woke up to his back legs going. His front legs and neck were floppy and my AJ had gone.
Yesterday I picked up his ashes. I’ve no idea what to do with them. I think I might keep them until Diesel his brother, any other little furries that come along and I say our final goodbyes and be scattered some where. I know that’s morbid. I miss that little boy even if I can only remember his face in photos (is that bad or is that how our bodies cope with death?). It’s helping having him back. Maybe it’s me, it feels a little happier to have him back. You can tell he’s not here, the place feels emptier and colder. He really did have big energy. Okay and it’s a little cleaner. I’ve since found out he was the messy one, the number one kick the cat litter everywhere cat! That said I miss hearing him dig and kick it everywhere! I miss his gently headbutts on my bum. He used to jump on the bed and say Hi while I took off my jewellery, sorted out the blinds. I miss him being my yogicat. Whenever I got out my yoga and workout mats he nearly always came and joined me. I miss how he used to come and say Hi when I had breakfast on the balcony or if I was up early and went back to have breakfast in bed he used to get exited for his bed nest. He was on the bed before me purring. I miss his purr. The last 2 weeks he lost it. The vet said maybe it’s because he was scared.
D’s been sleeping in his beds, gradually going back to his beds. He’s been wanting more hugs, that’s okay. I’m happy to give him big hugs. He’s a sweet boy, just like his big bruv was. Tears are gradually getting replaced with happy smiles of laid back Mr AJ. We’re adjusting to it being us 2. Aj really was the best ginger and white cat.
I don’t know how many times I thanked him for letting me be his hoomin mama for 16 years. It was an honour being his human mama. I hope he’s enjoying his next mission and adventure! He knew this, as I told him a million times that I love him and his brother to the ends of the universe and back.
I’m hoping to share some of his tails over the next coming months. He packed in a lot in 16 years. Chased foxes, lived in 3 countries, held 2 different pet passport nationalities, proudly brought me just 1 present ever of a half alive spider. I screamed so loud, he never bothered bringing me more presents! And how I swear he used to take off his collars and dump them in a pile behind the fence in London. After getting through 1 a week I gave up buying them!