“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” Zen Shin Talks

I’ve seen this quote a lot this week on Instagram. It’s a beautiful way of saying put jealously and negative feelings towards others aside. Stop comparing yourself. Appreciate you, what others have and be yourself. You bloom just as beautifully as flower next to you in your own way. IMG_6699

Recently I’ve been feeling left behind. Suddenly it seems my peers have found the winning formula to get to where I want to be. I can’t help but feel left behind, working out what their x factor is. Some I feel genuinely happy for. Others I’m asking what they’ve got that I haven’t. I feel all I can do is learn from them and cheer from the sidelines while they shine. Jealousy will eat at you. Trying your best sometimes just isn’t good enough not matter how many times you try. I’m seeing this in many areas of my life. I just can’t nail it.

It doesn’t help that I prefer my own company. I’ve always been happier with me, myself and I in my own world. I’m the youngest of 3 by 9 years and had to have a big imagination to get through living in the middle of nowhere. That doesn’t translate very well to the big social world. It should have pushed me to try harder, but I’m a good girl who does what she’s told, eager to please and be accepted. Whenever I’ve gone against what was expected, stood my ground, I felt I’d(still do) let people down, because I didn’t do what they would have done or think what is best for me. I know I should apply myself to try harder, but like I said, I’m a good girl who does what she’s told.

I often want to tell my younger self to not be so scared, it’s okay to do something different, listen to you, to be more sassy, you’ll be okay. Who knows what would have happened if I had been my own cheerleader.

I’m the girl who’ll never have perfectly long shiny hair, perfect skin, radiate wow. I’ll never be the girl who can convey her feelings in one neat package. I’ll always be the girl who never really fits in. I have to accept that some have just got it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone is searching for their own happiness. Some have found it, others are still searching and some just need water. And there’s always that final scene in SATC The Attack of The Five Foot Ten Woman.

Happiness will return tomorrow.

Do you ever feel trapped by your own self? How do you break out of it?