A lot happened in December. Saying goodbye to D has been hard. I really thought we had more time together. Looking back at his photos I can see he was ill for longer than I thought. Being around him everyday I didn’t see it as much. I really thought the new medicine would work, but I think he missed AJ and his hoomin Mama wasn’t enough.
It’s weird not having a cat around. If I honest I feel a bit lost. They were my life. Nearly 18 years all up a cat Mama. I’m okay during the day. The daylight and sunlight helps. It’s nighttime when I get back in it hits the most. No happy face greeting me at the door. No meows, purrs demanding food or a hug. The place feels empty, quiet, way too big. I wouldn’t say it was easier after AJ as I had D to distract me but it’s just as hard. With no Diesel, the reality is more in my face. I know it was his time for his next adventure. I don’t think he wanted to go. All I know is he loved life and the way I can honour him is by doing the same.
Looking back at photos this month, I thought a lot of other stuff had happened. It didn’t. I took more photos out and about making it seem like it had. December however was a month of rainbows. The first 3 weeks it wasn’t everyday sunny like usual. I felt bad as I had a more errands to run that perhaps didn’t need to be ran. I should have spent more time with D. I’ve got it in my head me running around and the days being cloudy made him feel less wanted. The last few years have been weird. I can’t find a routine and everything seems scattered. I know I spend way too much on my phone and I’m sure they, the cats noticed that too. She likes that thing more than us. I could tell in their faces. Attention given to something that wasted minutes. I know that’s putting too much human connection on things.
Rainbows are tricky to photograph! I had to be selective without giving away where I live.
December was a rainy this year. As that saying goes after rain must come sunshine and rainbows. The first was a double rainbow just before sunset a few weeks ago. Something said look out the window! The day had been cloudy and the sky transformed lit up glowing golden pink. I didn’t even know it had been raining! Maybe out at sea. The others were Saturday before Christmas. 4 in one day including another double rainbow! I don’t know when D was cremated. I think it was too soon as I’d taken him the vets the day before for them to sort it out. I didn’t know I could have been present if I wanted. I wasn’t for AJ as I didn’t know you could be and it’s outside the city making transport tricky. It took everything in me to finally let him go at the vets. It helped having his body at home for 36 hours. I know weird. To say goodbye again I don’t think I could have done it.
I imagined in my head D poking his head around the corner meowing for a hug. It was about the time he’d usually would so I don’t think it was anything spooky. Just me getting through things. Something said go look out from the balcony and there it was a beautiful double rainbow. Within 2 hours 2 more rainbows! Each time something said look out the window. I know I putting too much on things. It was probably my peripheral vision noticing the light change. I never knew inside of a rainbow was different light to that outside of it. It was the first weekend without him so it was hard. I always looked forward to the weekends spending more time with him and both when his brother was here. Maybe it was him saying Mama I’ve been processed! My cat sprit’s with AJ! I’m with AJ!
My handsome, cheeky, cute, cutie pants Mr D aka D, DD, D Pants, Diesel